The Four Loves

On Valentine’s Day, one kind of love takes center stage: romantic love. But did you know there are three other forms of love that don’t have a holiday of their own? We don’t give flowers or candy or cards to celebrate them. In fact, we may not think about them at all. The names of the four types of love come from the Ancient Greek language: Eros, Philia, Storge, and Agape. Each type is distinct, but connected. Let’s learn about each one.

Since Valentine’s Day is this week, we’ll start with the type of love we love to love. 

Love Number 1: Eros is Romantic Love

This is the kind of love that’s passionate, sensual, and associated with marriage and physical intimacy. For anyone reading or listening to this who thinks God is against sex, remember He created it! Imagine if sex was a chore like emptying the dishwasher. For one thing, without the pleasure of “two becoming one” there would be less incentive to procreate and have children. Although today’s culture may say otherwise, God’s Word tells us His ultimate design for Eros love is to bring a man and a woman together in a stable, committed relationship to have a family – if they choose – and enjoy the process either way! Both become united in flesh, heart, and mind. This was His plan going all the way back to the book of Genesis 2:24 (NKJV): 

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Love Number 2:  Storge is Familial Love

This is the natural instinct of affection between family members like parents and children and between siblings. In a healthy home there’s a warm, comfortable and reliable love within the family. Now you may be thinking, “That’s not how I grew up!” Or maybe, “My family is barely hanging on.” Our world today can make it hard for a family to stay together for many reasons. But God is for your family and can restore what’s damaged or falling apart. However, it’s a “team sport” isn’t it? For the good of the whole, each member must choose healing over division and mutual forgiveness over carrying a grudge. The human family was designed to be an example of the greater family of God where love binds us together as an undivided spiritual community working together. When we become a believer in Jesus Christ, we’re adopted by our Heavenly Father and will share in His inheritance. Romans 8:16-17a (NLT) promises us this:

“For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. And since we are his children, we are His heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory.”

Why would He do this? Out of His love for us as we read in 1 John 3:1a (NLT):

“See how very much our Father loves us, for He calls us His children, and that is what we are!”

Love Number 3: Philia is Brotherly and Sisterly Love

Deep platonic friendship, loyalty, tender affection, and mutual support are some of the characteristics of Philia love. The city of brotherly love, Philadelphia, takes its name from this word. However, we don’t have to look far to see that our world is steadily losing this type of love for each other as brothers and sisters. Instead we see the opposite and it’s tragic: intolerance, hatred, name-calling, violence, abuse, revenge, and the list goes on. Once again, when people choose their own selfish way over God’s invitation to peace, the darkness grows instead of light and we’re seeing it happen right before our eyes. The root of actions comes from the heart and only God can change the heart. We need a spiritual revival and there are places like college campuses where it’s happening right now. We can do better with God’s help and return to His plan that’s always based on love. Here’s what His Word says in Romans 12:9-10 (NLT):

“Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.”

Love Number 4: Agape is Unconditional Love

This is the highest form of love. It’s selfless and doesn’t depend on the worthiness of the person receiving it or whether or not it’s reciprocated. It’s a choice of the will, not just an emotion or feeling. It’s love in action. A sacrifice for the highest good of others. Agape is a word used throughout the New Testament, defined and demonstrated by Jesus Himself. We read these words in 1 John 4:9-11 (NLT):

“God showed how much He loved us by sending His one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through Him. This is real love — not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent His Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.”

As a follower of Jesus, we’re called to love like He does by following His example: showing empathy, extending help, giving sacrificially, forgiving others as we’ve been forgiven, and loving everyone. Yes, everyone!

Now that we’ve learned about the four kinds of love, can you see how each one is related to the other? Because we’re human, we’ll never be perfect, but God’s plan is always good and makes sense to follow to create our best life and be blessed by Him.

• Eros is the love God created for a husband and wife to become one. Through their commitment to each other, it can be an ideal place for children to be conceived and a family to be born.
• Storge is the love that keeps this family together and living peacefully, supporting each other.
• Philia is the love that extends to our relationships with friends and other people in the world. Loyalty, support, true compassion and peace are all possible with God.
• Agape is the highest love, demonstrated by Jesus Himself to teach us about the heart of God the Father. When we love as He does, all four types of love become one and flow out to the world to change the lives it touches.

In closing, 1 John 4:15-16 (NIV) tells us what the source of love is. God is love:

“If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.”

RESET HIGHER: We’ve just seen that there’s much more to love than Valentine’s Day once a year. What did you learn? How can you open your heart to give and receive more love? 1 Corinthians 16:14 encourages us to “Let all that you do be done in love.”