Do you ever have thoughts from the past about blaming someone or something that swirl around in your mind? You over-think and re-live them again and again. But woulda, shoulda, and coulda never changed a thing and never will.
“Well I would have, but …
(insert blame here on someone or something else that you believe stopped your life from being better than it is).”
“What I should have said to him/her was …
(insert what you believe was the perfect answer that would have won the argument and changed everything).”
And this two-part classic:
“I could have done … (insert your ultimate dream of being a this or that), but … (add the reason that you believe cancelled your ultimate plan forever).”
Are these thoughts 100% true? Let’s dig deeper.
In some cases, there HAS been a hard stop that prevented progress of what you hoped for. But if you’re a believer in the sovereignty of God, you can rest assured that what didn’t happen, happened for a reason. It wasn’t “bad luck.”
But what if you’ve been the victim of abuse? You have good reason to blame your abuser for their sins that harmed you because it’s true. They’re guilty of them. Here are a couple of Bible verses specifically for you. In Deuteronomy 32:35 (NLT), God Himself makes these promises, with a reminder to leave ultimate justice in His hands:
“I will take revenge; I will pay them back. In due time their feet will slip. Their day of disaster will arrive, and their destiny will overtake them.”
In Romans 12:19 (NLT) we learn how to respond to an abuser:
“Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, ‘I will take revenge; I will pay them back,’ says the Lord.”
While this type of blame is justified, scars are left behind. Like an injury, they’re evidence of healing and that you made it through. Give any thoughts that remain to God and leave them with Him every time they occur. Pray, read your Bible, and ask Him to deeply heal your mind, heart, and soul. Get help if you need it from counseling. Here are more verses for you to look up on your own about God’s comfort, justice, and removal of any shame you may feel: Psalm 9:9-10, Isaiah 43:2-3a, Isaiah 61:1-3, Psalm 82:3-4, Psalm 34:4-5, Isaiah 50:7, Romans 10:11, and Isaiah 61:7-8.
Let’s switch gears and get back to the kind of blame we all have the tendency to obsess about that’s related to relationships, our family, money, our jobs, missed opportunities and things beyond our control. It starts with someone or something that didn’t do what we wanted and it hurt us in some way. Instead of moving on, we gave it a campsite in our minds rather than let it go, producing anger and a desire for revenge.
One example of this is the famous feud between two families, the Hatfields and the McCoys. They lived on opposite sides of the Big Sandy River on the border of West Virginia and Kentucky. The fued lasted from 1863 to 1891 – nearly 30 years! The division grew from opposing loyalties to the Confederate vs. Union sides of the Civil War, a dispute over a trial about a stolen hog in 1878, an illicit romance between a McCoy and a Hatfield, and at least four murders and seven life sentences were the result of the feud. An official truce was signed on June 14, 2003.
Yes, that’s an extreme example, but even on a much smaller scale, what we blame is like a blind spot that keeps us from seeing we can move forward and past what hurts us and makes us angry – right now instead of 30 years from now! From the first spark, each family could have agreed to disagree to keep the peace on both sides of the river. But the enemy, satan, wants to keep us tied up in a knot of harmful thoughts that can destroy our lives and others. But the grace and forgiveness that God extends to us can flow through us so we can be the first one to stand up as a peacemaker and extinguish the embers. He can untie the knots to freedom from bitterness, anger, resentment, and pain – if we choose to let Him.
Psalm 103:12 (NLT) tells us how God forgives us when we ask:
“He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.”
He forgives completely and remembers our sins no more! It’s one of the hardest things for us to do as human beings and no one knows more about this than Jesus, God the Son. He came from Heaven to Earth to die and be the sacrifice that paid the debt we could never pay to be forgiven of our sins. Colossians 3:12-13 (NLT) reminds us that because He gave His life for us, we are to forgive others who are sinners too:
“Bince God chose you to be the holy people He loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember that the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”
Notice it tells believers to “put on” these characteristics of Jesus, replacing the opposite ones produced by blame. We need His help!
Wouldn’t the world change if more people said, “I’m guilty. I did it. I knew better but I did it anyway. I accept the consequences. Please forgive me.” We can be the ones ready and willing to forgive like Jesus does and then true healing can begin.
RESET HIGHER: Think about anyone or anything you blame for the way your life has turned out. Since you can’t go back and change the events, why not set them down right now before the Lord? Ask Him to help you live with freedom from the past. Feel the weight lifted.
Make a plan to replace any negative thoughts from the enemy by overcoming them by quoting verses of promise from the Holy Bible. God told this to the Israelites after they were delivered from Egypt:
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:18-19 (NIV)
